Rebecca Wilkinson Counselling https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk Plymouth & Online Mon, 01 Jun 2026 21:27:40 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/cropped-rw-counselling-plymouth-logo-scaled-1-32x32.png Rebecca Wilkinson Counselling https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk 32 32 Is Private Therapy Worth It Instead of Waitingfor the NHS? https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/private-therapy-vs-nhs-waiting-times/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=private-therapy-vs-nhs-waiting-times https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/private-therapy-vs-nhs-waiting-times/#respond Mon, 01 Jun 2026 16:35:36 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=4263 Private Counselling or NHS Therapy: Which Is Right for You? You finally did the hard thing. You sat in your GP’s office, found the words, and asked for help. They were kind, they listened, and then they told you you’d been added to a waiting list. That was weeks ago. Maybe months. And in the […]

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Private Counselling or NHS Therapy: Which Is Right for You?

You finally did the hard thing. You sat in your GP’s office, found the words, and asked for help. They were
kind, they listened, and then they told you you’d been added to a waiting list. That was weeks ago. Maybe
months. And in the meantime, life hasn’t paused to wait with you.

This gap between asking for help and actually receiving it is one of the cruellest parts of struggling with
your mental health in the UK right now. Anxiety doesn’t politely stand down while a referral makes its way
through the system. Low mood doesn’t take a break because the admin is backed up. And yet here you
are, waiting, managing as best you can, and quietly wondering whether it’s worth going private for therapy
instead of waiting for the NHS.


This article gives you the real picture: actual NHS waiting time figures for 2026, honest breakdowns of
what private therapy costs, and a clear framework to help you decide which path makes sense for your
specific situation. Some people researching this question find local private practices, such as mine, Rebecca
Wilkinson Counselling, a Plymouth-based counsellor offering both in-person and online sessions across
the UK, because they’re looking for accessible, specialist support that sits between the NHS and the
premium end of private care. We’ll cover all of that below.

Why NHS mental health waiting times are harder than the headlines suggest

The headline figure most frequently cited is stark. According to a YoungMinds analysis of NHS data, some people were waiting more than a year for mental health treatment, with an average wait of 392 days reported in 2023/24. That’s not a typo. NHS England’s Mental Health Services Monthly Statistics reported that 2.24 million people were in contact with NHS-funded mental health services in England at the end of January 2026, highlighting the level of demand mental health services are currently managing.
What makes planning even harder is that there is no single, clean national average you can use to benchmark your own situation. Waiting times vary by local trust, service type, and referral category. Someone in one postcode might wait weeks; someone in another might wait the better part of a year for the same type of support. 

NHS England’s Referral to Treatment statistics reported a median waiting time of 11.3 weeks across general elective treatment pathways in March 2026, although mental health services operate through separate pathways and waiting times can vary significantly depending on location and service type. NHS Talking Therapies, formerly known as IAPT, is often the first NHS treatment option for people experiencing anxiety or depression and mainly provides evidence-based approaches such as CBT. National waiting-time standards state that 75% of patients should begin treatment within six weeks of referral and 95% within 18 weeks. However, these figures measure waiting times within the Talking Therapies pathway itself and do not necessarily reflect the time from first approaching a GP to receiving ongoing support.
For some people, particularly those who are neurodivergent, dealing with long-standing anxiety rooted
in masking and identity, or navigating something more complex than a recent low mood, standard short-term CBT may not always be the right fit, even after waiting months to access it. That mismatch matters, and it’s a big part of why people start asking whether going private for therapy is worth it

Is it worth going private for therapy instead of waiting for the NHS?

Before weighing costs, it helps to understand what you’d actually be choosing between. NHS Talking Therapies publishes outcomes data showing that many people experience meaningful improvements in symptoms of anxiety and depression following treatment. Those are real numbers based on large-scale routine data, and they represent meaningful help for a significant number of people. 

Direct head-to-head comparisons between NHS and private therapy outcomes are scarce in the published literature. Research suggests that outcomes are influenced by factors such as the quality of the therapeutic relationship, the treatment approach being used, and how well the service fits the person’s needs. Where private therapy often has a practical edge comes down to structure and fit rather than clinical superiority. In most cases, you choose your therapist and continue working with the same person throughout the process, which matters enormously when trust is the foundation of the work. Private therapy is often more flexible, allowing sessions to continue for as long as they remain useful, so the pace is led by what you actually need rather than what a commissioning model allows. And specialist private practitioners can focus on areas that NHS pathways aren’t designed to address in depth, whether that’s neurodivergent support, complex grief, or self-esteem work that doesn’t fit neatly into a 6 or 12-session protocol. 

Where the NHS genuinely has the advantage is equally important to acknowledge. It’s free at the point of use, which removes a barrier that matters for many people. NHS pathways also include access to psychiatry, medication, and shared care arrangements that a private counsellor alone cannot provide. If medication management or psychiatric assessment is part of what you need, the NHS route, even with its delays, offers something private counselling cannot replicate. It’s also worth knowing about the Right to Choose scheme. In England, eligible patients can ask their GP to refer them to an NHS-commissioned independent provider for certain mental health services, which can speed up access while remaining NHS-funded. Ask your GP whether this applies to your referral.

What private therapy actually costs

Cost is often the biggest factor when deciding whether private therapy is realistic. The good news is that fees vary more than many people expect.

Across much of the UK, private counselling typically costs somewhere between £40 and £90 per session, although fees can be higher in some areas and lower in others. Many therapists also offer reduced-fee spaces for people on lower incomes, so it’s always worth asking rather than assuming support is out of reach.

At the more affordable end of the spectrum, trainee therapists working in  placements may charge reduced fees, or in certain placements, no fee at all. Charity counselling services can also provide lower-cost support, although waiting times may apply.

A typical course of therapy might involve anywhere from 12 to 20 sessions, depending on what brings you to counselling and how you prefer to work. At a fee of £55 to £70 per session, that works out at roughly £660 to £1,400 spread over several months. That’s a significant investment, but it’s also a finite one rather than an open-ended commitment.

The most important thing is finding support that feels sustainable. Whether that’s private counselling, a lower-cost service, or NHS support, the right option is the one that you can realistically access and continue with.

To find out more about my counselling fees, you can take a look on the How I Work section of my website.

Affordable options if full private fees feel out of reach

If private counselling feels financially out of reach right now, it’s worth knowing that there are alternatives between joining a long NHS waiting list and paying standard private fees.

Many charities and community organisations offer low-cost counselling, often with fees linked to income. Local Mind services and other mental health charities can be a useful place to start, particularly if cost is the main barrier to getting support. Some organisations also offer free or heavily subsidised counselling, although waiting times can vary.

Another option is to work with a trainee counsellor in an accredited, supervised placement. Trainee therapists receive regular supervision and are working towards professional qualification, while often charging significantly lower fees than fully qualified practitioners.

Some private therapists also reserve a limited number of reduced-fee spaces for people experiencing financial difficulty. I off a limited number of lower-cost sessions for trainee therapists and for people who would otherwise struggle to access support because of financial constraints. Availability is limited, but it’s always worth asking rather than assuming therapy is out of reach. If you have any questions about my fees, you are always welcome to contact me and I will do my best to answer any questions that you might have.

For people who feel stuck between NHS waiting times and the cost of private therapy, finding a therapist with experience in the issues they’re facing can make a significant difference. Whether that’s anxiety, low self-esteem, grief, ADHD, or other neurodivergent experiences, the right fit often matters as much as the setting in which therapy takes place.

The goal isn’t necessarily to find the cheapest option. It’s to find support that is both accessible and sustainable enough to give the work a genuine chance to help.

When going private for therapy is worth considering (and when the NHS may be the better option)

Going private often makes sense when the wait for support is starting to have a real impact on everyday life. If anxiety, low mood, stress, or emotional overwhelm are affecting your work, relationships, sleep, or ability to cope day to day, waiting several more months can feel like a significant cost in itself.

Some people also find that they’re looking for something more flexible than a short-term treatment programme. They may want the opportunity to build an ongoing therapeutic relationship, explore longer-standing patterns, or work with someone who has experience of issues such as ADHD, autism, low self-esteem, grief, or relationship difficulties. In these situations, private counselling can offer greater choice and continuity.

For many people, one of the biggest advantages of private therapy is the ability to choose the therapist they work with. Research consistently suggests that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest factors in whether therapy feels helpful, so having the time and freedom to find the right fit can matter. I offer a free initial video call to see if I am the right therapist for you. To see my current availability, or book an video call, please click on the calendar icon below.

Message me on WhatsApp

Book a free intro call

At the same time, there are situations where staying with the NHS route may be the better option. If you need psychiatric assessment, medication, or support for more complex mental health difficulties, NHS services can provide resources and clinical pathways that a private counsellor alone cannot offer.

Cost also matters. Therapy should not create financial pressure that makes life more stressful. If paying for private sessions would cause significant anxiety or hardship, it may make more sense to explore NHS support, lower-cost counselling services, or reduced-fee options.

Ultimately, the question isn’t whether private therapy is better than the NHS. It’s whether one route is likely to get you the right support, at the right time, in a way that feels sustainable for your circumstances.

How to make the decision without getting stuck

When you’re already struggling, even choosing where to get support can feel like another thing to manage. It may help to bring the decision back to a few practical questions.

How long have you already been waiting, and what is that wait costing you emotionally, practically, or relationally? If things are becoming harder to manage week by week, that matters.

It’s also worth thinking about the kind of support you’re hoping for. If you want short-term, structured help for anxiety or low mood, NHS Talking Therapies may be a good place to start. If you’re looking for something more flexible, longer-term, or specialist, such as counselling that takes account of ADHD, neurodivergence, self-esteem, grief, or relationship patterns, private therapy may offer more choice.

Cost needs to be part of the decision too. Private counselling is only useful if it feels sustainable. That might mean weekly sessions, fortnightly sessions, a reduced-fee place, or a lower-cost service elsewhere. There is no shame in choosing the option that fits your real life rather than the one you feel you “should” choose.

If you’re considering private therapy, you don’t have to commit straight away. Reading a therapist’s website, checking their professional membership, and booking an initial conversation can help you get a sense of whether they feel like the right fit. If you’re staying with the NHS, ask your GP about your referral timeline, whether self-referral to NHS Talking Therapies is available, and whether Right to Choose applies to your situation.

The aim is not to make the perfect decision. It’s to take one clear next step towards support that you can actually access and continue with.

The right choice depends on what you need

There’s no single answer to whether it’s worth going private for therapy instead of waiting for the NHS. It depends on your circumstances, the kind of support you’re looking for, how long you’re likely to wait, and what feels financially realistic for you.

For some people, NHS Talking Therapies will be the right place to start. For others, private counselling may offer a level of choice, continuity, or specialist understanding that makes it worth the investment. Neither option is inherently better. The question is which one is most likely to meet your needs at this point in your life.

Whatever route you choose, it’s worth remembering that recognising you need support is already a significant step. Whether you decide to stay with an NHS referral, explore lower-cost options, or contact a private counsellor, the important thing is finding a form of support that feels accessible and sustainable.

If you’re considering private counselling and would like to explore whether it feels like the right fit, I offer in-person sessions in Plymouth and online counselling across the UK, with a particular interest in working with anxiety, ADHD, low self-esteem, and life transitions.

Message me on WhatsApp

Book a free intro call

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]]> https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/private-therapy-vs-nhs-waiting-times/feed/ 0 People-Pleasing Counselling in Plymouth | Overcome the Need to Please https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/people-pleasing-counselling-plymouth/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=people-pleasing-counselling-plymouth https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/people-pleasing-counselling-plymouth/#respond Fri, 29 May 2026 19:30:50 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=4237 People-Pleasing Counselling in Plymouth:When Being Nice Is Exhausting Most people think people-pleasing is simply about being kind. But if you’ve ever agreed to something you didn’t want to do, worried for hours that someone might be upset with you, or found yourself putting everyone else’s needs before your own, you’ll know it’s often much more […]

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People-Pleasing Counselling in Plymouth:
When Being Nice Is Exhausting

Most people think people-pleasing is simply about being kind.

But if you’ve ever agreed to something you didn’t want to do, worried for hours that someone might be upset with you, or found yourself putting everyone else’s needs before your own, you’ll know it’s often much more complicated than that.

People-pleasing can look positive from the outside. You might be the person others rely on. The one who helps out, stays late, remembers birthdays, keeps the peace, and makes sure everyone else is okay.

Yet behind the scenes, it can feel exhausting.

You might find yourself saying yes when you mean no. Taking responsibility for problems that aren’t yours to solve. Replaying conversations in your head long after they’ve finished. Worrying about disappointing people, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

Over time, these patterns can leave you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, burnt out, and disconnected from your own needs.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people come to counselling because they’re tired of constantly putting themselves last and aren’t sure how to stop.

The Problem Isn’t That You Care About People

One of the biggest misconceptions about people-pleasing is that the solution is to stop caring what others think.

In reality, caring about people isn’t the problem.

The problem is when caring for other people comes at the expense of caring for yourself.

Many people who struggle with people-pleasing are thoughtful, compassionate, and deeply empathetic. They notice how other people are feeling. They want to help. They want relationships to feel safe and harmonious.

These qualities aren’t flaws.

The difficulty comes when your own needs, feelings, and boundaries become less important than everyone else’s.

You might find yourself:

  • agreeing with things you don’t actually agree with

  • avoiding difficult conversations

  • taking on more than you can realistically manage

  • feeling guilty when you rest

  • struggling to ask for help

  • worrying excessively about how others see you

At first, these behaviours may seem manageable.

Over time, they often lead to stress, resentment, emotional exhaustion, and a sense that you’ve lost touch with yourself.

Signs You May Be Struggling With People-Pleasing

People-pleasing doesn’t always look obvious.

Some people imagine a people-pleaser as someone who never expresses an opinion or constantly apologises. While that can be true, the reality is often much more subtle.

You might struggle with people-pleasing if:

  • You feel guilty saying no.

  • You worry about disappointing people.

  • You avoid conflict whenever possible.

  • You find yourself apologising frequently.

  • You feel responsible for other people’s emotions.

  • You often put your own needs at the bottom of the list.

  • You overthink conversations after they’ve happened.

  • You seek reassurance that people aren’t upset with you.

  • You struggle to identify what you actually want.

Many people don’t realise how much energy these patterns consume until they begin talking about them in counselling.

Where Does People-Pleasing Come From?

People-pleasing rarely appears out of nowhere.

Usually, it develops for a reason.

For some people, it begins in childhood. They may have learned that being helpful, agreeable, or easy-going was the best way to maintain connection with important people in their lives.

Perhaps conflict felt unsafe.

Perhaps approval felt conditional.

Perhaps you learned that your role was to keep everyone else happy.

Children are remarkably good at adapting to their environment. The strategies we develop often make perfect sense at the time. The problem is that those strategies don’t always serve us in adulthood.

What once helped you feel safe can become something that leaves you feeling trapped. You may continue trying to earn approval long after you need to. You may continue avoiding conflict even when it means ignoring your own needs. You may continue believing that your worth depends on what you do for other people.

Counselling can help you understand where these patterns came from and whether they’re still serving you today.

Why Saying No Feels So Difficult

Many people know they need stronger boundaries. The challenge isn’t knowing that. The challenge is the guilt.

Even when people recognise they’re doing too much, saying no can trigger anxiety, self-doubt, and a deep sense of discomfort.

You might think:

“What if they think I’m selfish?”

“What if I let them down?”

“What if they’re upset with me?”

“What if they stop liking me?”

For people-pleasers, saying no often feels far bigger than simply declining a request.

It can feel like risking rejection.

That’s why changing these patterns is rarely about learning a communication technique. It’s often about learning that you can tolerate someone else’s disappointment without abandoning yourself in the process.

Rejection Sensitivity and People-Pleasing

For some people, the fear of disappointing others feels especially intense.

A delayed reply to a message.

A change in someone’s tone of voice.

A short email.

A feeling that you’ve said the wrong thing. These situations can trigger hours of worry, self-criticism, and overthinking.

You might replay conversations repeatedly, looking for evidence that you’ve upset someone. You might assume you’ve done something wrong when there is little evidence to suggest you have. You might feel a strong urge to fix things immediately, even when nothing needs fixing.

This experience is often described as rejection sensitivity.

Rejection sensitivity isn’t a diagnosis, but it can help explain why some people find criticism, disapproval, or perceived rejection particularly painful. When rejection feels overwhelming, people-pleasing can begin to feel like protection. If everyone is happy with you, perhaps nobody can reject you. If nobody is upset with you, perhaps you’ll feel safe.

The problem is that this creates a huge amount of pressure. You may end up constantly monitoring other people’s moods, trying to anticipate their needs, and taking responsibility for feelings that don’t belong to you.

Living this way can be exhausting.

In counselling, we can explore these experiences with curiosity and compassion. Rather than judging yourself for people-pleasing, we can begin to understand what these patterns have been trying to protect you from.

How Counselling Can Help

People-pleasing isn’t something you can simply switch off. Most people have spent years developing these habits.

That’s why lasting change usually starts with understanding rather than forcing yourself to behave differently.

Counselling provides a space to slow down and explore what’s happening underneath the surface.

Together, we can begin to understand:

  • where these patterns developed

  • what keeps them going

  • why boundaries feel difficult

  • how guilt influences your decisions

  • what you actually need and want

  • how to build self-worth that isn’t dependent on approval

As therapy progresses, many people begin noticing small but meaningful changes.

They find it easier to express their opinions.

They become more aware of their limits.

They start recognising when they’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t theirs to carry.

Most importantly, they begin treating themselves with the same compassion they readily offer to everyone else.

People-Pleasing Counselling in Plymouth

If you’re exhausted from constantly putting yourself last, counselling can help you understand what’s driving those patterns and begin making different choices.

I offer people-pleasing counselling in Plymouth for adults who feel overwhelmed, anxious, burnt out, emotionally exhausted, or stuck in cycles of overthinking and self-doubt.

My approach is warm, supportive, and tailored to your individual needs. Together, we can explore the patterns that have shaped your relationships, develop healthier boundaries, and help you reconnect with your own needs without guilt or shame.

You don’t have to keep carrying everything on your own.

If you’d like to find out more, I offer a free introductory call where we can talk about what’s been going on for you and whether counselling feels like the right next step.

There is no pressure and no obligation. Just a chance to talk.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is people-pleasing always a bad thing?

Not at all. Caring about other people and wanting to help are positive qualities. People-pleasing becomes a problem when it consistently comes at the expense of your own wellbeing, leaving you exhausted, anxious, or disconnected from your own needs.

Can counselling help me stop people-pleasing?

Counselling can help you understand why people-pleasing developed, what keeps it going, and how to create healthier patterns. The goal isn’t to become uncaring. It’s to find a balance where your needs matter too.

Why do I feel guilty when I say no?

For many people, guilt is linked to fears about disappointing others, causing conflict, or being judged negatively. These fears often have deeper roots that can be explored in counselling.

Is people-pleasing linked to anxiety?

Yes. People-pleasing and anxiety often go hand in hand. Constantly worrying about other people’s reactions, avoiding conflict, and seeking approval can create significant emotional stress over time.

Can I have people-pleasing counselling online?

Yes. I offer both online and in-person counselling in Plymouth, allowing you to choose the option that feels most comfortable and accessible for you.

Message me on WhatsApp

Book a free intro call

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]]> https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/people-pleasing-counselling-plymouth/feed/ 0 How to Find a Counsellor in Plymouth https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/find-a-counsellor-in-plymouth/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=find-a-counsellor-in-plymouth https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/find-a-counsellor-in-plymouth/#respond Fri, 29 May 2026 17:47:48 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=4212 How to Find a Counsellor in Plymouth If you’re trying to find a counsellor in Plymouth, you may already be carrying more than most people realise. Perhaps you’ve been feeling anxious for a while. Maybe you’re exhausted from holding everything together, or you’ve reached a point where you’re no longer sure how to keep going […]

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How to Find a Counsellor in Plymouth

If you’re trying to find a counsellor in Plymouth, you may already be carrying more than most people realise.

Perhaps you’ve been feeling anxious for a while. Maybe you’re exhausted from holding everything together, or you’ve reached a point where you’re no longer sure how to keep going in the way you always have.

For many people, the hardest part isn’t counselling itself. It’s deciding to start looking for support.

Once you do, you’re faced with dozens of websites, profiles, and different approaches, all promising to help. It can feel surprisingly overwhelming when you’re already overwhelmed.

If that’s where you are right now, I hope this guide helps make the process feel a little clearer.

There Isn't One Perfect Counsellor

One of the biggest misconceptions about counselling is that there is a “best” counsellor.

In reality, counselling is about connection.

A counsellor may have years of training and experience, but if you don’t feel comfortable with them, it can be difficult to open up. Equally, someone else’s ideal therapist may not feel right for you at all.

When you’re trying to find a counsellor in Plymouth, it’s worth paying attention to how you feel when you read a counsellor’s website. Do their words make you feel understood? Can you imagine talking to them?

Sometimes those instincts tell us more than a list of qualifications.

What Are You Looking For Support With?

Before you begin contacting counsellors, it can help to spend a moment thinking about what has brought you here.

You don’t need a perfect explanation.

You don’t need to have everything figured out.

You might simply know that you’re struggling.

Many people I meet in counselling describe feeling overwhelmed by everyday life, emotionally drained, anxious, or stuck in cycles of overthinking. Some feel exhausted from putting everyone else’s needs first. Others struggle with self-doubt, perfectionism, or the sense that they’re constantly trying to keep up.

You don’t need a diagnosis or a crisis to seek support. Sometimes the reason is simply that life feels heavier than it used to.

Different Counsellors Work in Different Ways

As you search for counselling in Plymouth, you’ll notice that therapists often describe their approach.

Some work in a person-centred way, offering a gentle space to explore whatever feels important to you.

Others use approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which can be more structured and focused on the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.

Many counsellors work integratively. This means they don’t rely on one approach alone. Instead, they adapt the work to suit the person sitting in front of them.

People are complex, and no two experiences are exactly the same. What helps one person move forward may not help another.

That’s why finding a counsellor whose approach feels right for you can be just as important as their qualifications or experience.

Trust Your Experience

Many counsellors offer an introductory phone call before you commit to sessions.

People often worry about what questions they should ask during these calls, but there is something equally important to pay attention to.

Notice how you feel.

Do you feel comfortable?

Do you feel listened to?

Do you feel rushed?

Can you imagine talking openly with this person about the things you’ve been carrying on your own?

The answers to those questions often tell you more than any website ever could.

It's Okay to Take Your Time

Sometimes people feel pressure to choose a counsellor quickly, especially when they’re struggling.

But finding the right support isn’t a race.

It’s okay to read a few websites.

It’s okay to speak with more than one counsellor.

It’s okay to decide someone doesn’t feel like the right fit.

Counselling works best when you feel safe enough to be yourself, so giving yourself permission to choose carefully is part of the process.

What Questions Should You Ask a Counsellor?

If you’re arranging an introductory call, it can help to have a few questions prepared.

You might want to ask:

  • What approach do you use?

  • What kinds of issues do you usually work with?

  • How long are sessions?

  • Do you offer online counselling as well as face-to-face sessions?

  • What are your fees?

  • What is your cancellation policy?

You don’t need to ask everything at once. The aim is simply to gather enough information to decide whether that counsellor feels like a good fit for you.

Taking the First Step

If you’re looking to find a counsellor in Plymouth, you’ve already taken an important first step by beginning your search.

You don’t need to know exactly what you want to say.

You don’t need to have all the answers.

You only need enough courage to start the conversation.

Counselling can offer a space where you no longer have to carry everything on your own. A space where you can slow down, untangle what’s been weighing on you, and begin to make sense of things at your own pace.

Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, anxious, stuck, or struggling with low self-esteem, support is available.

I offer counselling in Plymouth, both in person and online. If you’d like to talk about what’s been going on for you and whether we might be a good fit, you’re welcome to get in touch for a free introductory call.

There’s no pressure and no obligation. Just a chance to talk.

Frequently Asked Questions
How do I find a counsellor in Plymouth?

A good place to start is by reading counsellors’ websites and seeing who you connect with. Look for someone who works with the issues you’re facing and whose approach feels supportive. Many counsellors offer introductory calls, which can help you decide whether they feel like the right fit.

How much does counselling in Plymouth cost?

Fees vary between counsellors. Most therapists list their fees on their website or discuss them during an initial consultation. It’s always okay to ask about fees, session length, and cancellation policies before booking.

How do I know if a counsellor is right for me?

Pay attention to how you feel when speaking with them. Feeling comfortable, listened to, and respected is often one of the strongest indicators that you’ve found a good fit.

What counselling approach is best?

There isn’t one approach that works for everyone. Some people prefer a gentle, exploratory style, while others like a more structured approach. The best counselling approach is usually the one that feels most helpful for your individual needs.

Can I have online counselling if I live in Plymouth?

Yes. Many counsellors offer both online and in-person sessions. Online counselling can be a flexible option if travelling is difficult or if you feel more comfortable speaking from home.

Message me on WhatsApp

Book a free intro call

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]]> https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/find-a-counsellor-in-plymouth/feed/ 0 Understanding ADHD in Women https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/adhd-women/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=adhd-women https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/adhd-women/#respond Mon, 04 May 2026 14:11:55 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=3906 Understanding ADHD in Women So many women I speak to describe the same feeling — like they’re constantly running behind, working twice as hard as everyone else, and still somehow dropping the ball. On the outside they’re holding it together. Inside, it’s loud and heavy and exhausting. For some of those women, that experience connects […]

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Understanding ADHD in Women

So many women I speak to describe the same feeling — like they’re constantly running behind, working twice as hard as everyone else, and still somehow dropping the ball. On the outside they’re holding it together. Inside, it’s loud and heavy and exhausting.

For some of those women, that experience connects to ADHD. And I know that from the inside, not just professionally.

Why ADHD in women gets missed

When most people picture ADHD, they picture a hyperactive little boy who can’t sit still. That image has stuck around for a long time, and it’s meant that women have been misdiagnosed, overlooked, or told they’re just anxious, too sensitive, or not trying hard enough.

The truth is, ADHD in women tends to look quieter. More internal. You might be daydreamy rather than disruptive, a chronic overthinker rather than visibly impulsive. You might have worked so hard at appearing organised that nobody — including you — can quite see how much effort that’s costing you.

What ADHD can actually feel like

It’s different for everyone, but there are patterns I hear again and again. The task you’ve been putting off for three weeks that feels impossible to start, even though it would take twenty minutes. The conversation from Tuesday that you’re still replaying on Friday. The to-do list you wrote, lost, rewrote, and still couldn’t action. Feeling flooded by emotions or noise in ways that seem disproportionate. Knowing exactly what you need to do — and just not being able to do it anyway.

That gap between knowing and doing is one of the most frustrating and confusing parts. And it has nothing to do with effort or intelligence.

The cost of holding it all together

Many of the women I work with have become genuinely skilled at coping — over-preparing, people-pleasing, keeping so busy that nothing has a chance to slip. It works, up to a point. But the effort required to maintain that is enormous, and eventually it catches up. Burnout, anxiety, a persistent sense of being both too much and not enough — these are things I hear about a lot.

The mask is exhausting to wear.

This isn’t about trying harder

One of the things I most want to say to any woman reading this is: the difficulty you’re experiencing is not a character flaw. It’s not laziness. It’s not a lack of willpower or organisation or discipline. It’s about how your brain processes attention, energy, emotion, and tasks — and when that’s not understood, it’s very easy to internalise the struggle as something being wrong with you.

Understanding what’s actually going on can genuinely change how you feel about yourself. That shift matters.

What counselling can offer

You don’t need a diagnosis to start making sense of your experience. In our work together, we’d look at your patterns without judgement — what’s getting in the way, what you’ve been carrying, and how to work with your brain rather than constantly fighting it. The goal isn’t to fix you. You’re not broken. It’s to understand you, and to help you be a little kinder to yourself in the process.

If this sounds familiar

You might have spent a long time keeping things together quietly, not wanting to make a fuss, wondering why everyone else seems to find it easier. You don’t have to keep doing that alone.

If you’d like to explore whether counselling could help, feel free to get in touch. There’s no pressure — just a conversation to see if it feels like a good fit.

The post Understanding ADHD in Women first appeared on Rebecca Wilkinson Counselling.

]]> https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/adhd-women/feed/ 0 Why Do I Keep People-Pleasing? https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/why-do-i-keep-people-pleasing/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=why-do-i-keep-people-pleasing https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/why-do-i-keep-people-pleasing/#respond Sat, 02 May 2026 16:22:23 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=3846 Why Do I Keep People-Pleasing? For anyone who feels worn out from always putting other people first If you’ve ever said yes when you really meant no, spent way too long overthinking a text message, or felt strangely responsible for whether the people around you are okay, you’re not the only one. A lot of […]

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Why Do I Keep People-Pleasing?

For anyone who feels worn out from always putting other people first

If you’ve ever said yes when you really meant no, spent way too long overthinking a text message, or felt strangely responsible for whether the people around you are okay, you’re not the only one. A lot of people do this. And most of them do it quietly, without really understanding why.

From the outside it can look like being kind or easy-going. But from the inside it often feels exhausting. Like you’re constantly managing everyone else while your own needs sit in a pile somewhere, waiting for you to get to them.

If you’ve ever thought “why do I always do this?” or “why can’t I just say no?”, this might help things make a bit more sense.

What people-pleasing actually is

People-pleasing isn’t just being nice. It’s when your sense of being okay gets tangled up with keeping other people happy. Feeling safe, feeling wanted, feeling like you’re enough — all of it starts to depend on how other people are doing. And that comes at a cost.

It might look like saying yes when you’re already stretched thin, avoiding any kind of disagreement, apologising for things that aren’t your fault, worrying for hours about whether you’ve upset someone, or automatically putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own.

None of these things seem huge on their own. But over time they build up, and you can end up burnt out, resentful, or unsure of what you actually want anymore.

Where does it come from?

Usually from somewhere that makes complete sense.

For a lot of people, it started in childhood. If you grew up in a home where love felt a bit unpredictable, or where being quiet and helpful was the safest option, you learned to read the room and adjust yourself. That wasn’t a flaw — that was you surviving. But the habit sticks long after you don’t need it anymore.

A lot of it also comes down to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of conflict, fear that if you say no, something bad will happen or someone won’t like you anymore. So you smooth things over. You keep the peace.

And sometimes it’s simply not feeling worth the fuss. If part of you believes you have to earn your place by being useful or easy, then having needs can feel like too much.

Why is it so hard to stop?

Because it works — at least in the moment.

Saying yes feels easier than the awkwardness of saying no. Going along with things keeps everything calm. Pleasing people gets you approval, even if it’s temporary. Your brain learns that this is how you stay safe. And once something’s wired in like that, you often do it before you’ve even had a chance to think.

It’s also tied to your nervous system. Even when you know logically that it’s fine to say no, some part of you still braces for the worst.

If you have ADHD

People-pleasing can hit harder.

Rejection can feel intense. A throwaway comment that wouldn’t bother someone else can sit with you for days. You might work extra hard to be liked, hide how much you’re struggling, or say yes because the idea of letting someone down feels unbearable. It often leads to a cycle of overdoing it, burning out, and then being hard on yourself for not coping.

Talking to someone who actually understands ADHD can make a real difference.

What it costs you

People-pleasing doesn’t just take your time. It chips away at your relationship with yourself.

You might find yourself exhausted, resentful, unsure of what you want, anxious, or feeling disconnected from who you are outside of being useful to others.

A lot of people reach a point where they think: “I don’t even know what I want anymore. I just do whatever keeps everyone else happy.” That moment — the realisation that something needs to change — is often when people start looking for support.

So how do you change it?

Slowly. Gently. With patience.

Just noticing when it’s happening is a real start. Catching yourself in the moment matters. From there, you can buy yourself a bit of space. You’re allowed to say “let me think about that” or “I’ll get back to you.” You don’t have to give an answer straight away.

It’s also worth getting curious about what you actually want. If you’ve spent years prioritising everyone else, your own preferences might feel blurry. That’s okay. They come back with practice.

And when you do start saying no or putting yourself first, expect it to feel uncomfortable at first. That feeling is just unfamiliarity. It fades.

How talking to someone can help

People-pleasing isn’t something you can just switch off. It’s usually tangled up with deeper experiences, beliefs, and fears.

Counselling can help you understand where it started, get more comfortable with disagreement and disappointment, and begin showing up in your life in a way that feels more like you. If you’re in or around Plymouth and struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, ADHD traits, or these kinds of patterns, support is there at whatever pace works for you.

One last thing

The most common fear people have is that if they stop people-pleasing, they’ll become selfish.

You won’t. You’ll still be kind. You’ll still care. You’ll just stop disappearing in the process.

And if any of this feels familiar, it might be worth reaching out — not because something is wrong with you, but because you’ve probably been carrying this for long enough.

The post Why Do I Keep People-Pleasing? first appeared on Rebecca Wilkinson Counselling.

]]> https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/why-do-i-keep-people-pleasing/feed/ 0 Thinking About Counselling, But Not Sure Where to Start? https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/starting-counselling-plymouth/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=starting-counselling-plymouth https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/starting-counselling-plymouth/#respond Fri, 24 Apr 2026 16:40:26 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=3759 A gentle guide to starting counselling, including what happens in a first session, common worries, and how to take the first step without pressure.

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Thinking About Counselling, But Not Sure Where to Start?

If you’re thinking about starting counselling but feel unsure about what actually happens in a first session, you’re not alone. Many people worry about what to expect, how much they’ll need to share, or whether they’ll feel comfortable.

This guide walks you through what counselling is really like, so you can take your first step at your own pace, whether you’re looking for counselling in Plymouth or simply exploring your options.

Why It Can Feel So Hard to Begin

Counselling is often surrounded by assumptions. You might picture lying on a sofa, being analysed, or having to explain everything perfectly from the start.

In reality, it’s much simpler than that.

At its core, counselling is just a structured conversation with someone trained to listen carefully, without judgement, and to help you make sense of what’s going on for you.

But the uncertainty can still feel uncomfortable. You might wonder:

  • Will I be taken seriously?
  • What if I don’t know what I’m feeling?
  • What if I get emotional?
  • What if nothing changes?

These are all valid concerns. Most people bring some version of them into their first session.

You Don’t Need a “Good Enough” Reason

A common barrier is the idea that you need a clear or serious reason to start counselling.

You don’t.

You don’t need a diagnosis. You don’t need a crisis. You don’t need to have everything figured out.

Sometimes people come because they feel constantly overwhelmed, even if nothing obvious has “gone wrong.” Others feel stuck, flat, or like they’re always just about keeping up.

That’s enough.

If something in your life feels harder than it needs to be, or you find yourself going round in the same loops, that’s a reasonable place to start.

Sometimes people wait until they are completely overwhelmed

A lot of people delay reaching out because they think they should be coping better than they are.

They may still be working, parenting, showing up for other people and managing day-to-day life on the outside, while internally feeling anxious, emotionally exhausted or close to burnout underneath.

Often, people come to counselling long after they have started struggling because they have become so used to carrying everything on their own.

You do not have to wait until things completely fall apart before seeking support.

What Actually Happens in a First Session

The first session is usually more gentle and practical than people expect.

You might be asked a few basic questions about what’s brought you there, but there’s no pressure to tell your whole story. You can go at your own pace. The counsellor will usually run through a few things with you about confidentiality, how payment works and answer any questions you might have.

It’s also a chance for you to get a feel for the counsellor. You’re allowed to notice whether you feel comfortable, whether they seem to understand you, and whether the space feels safe enough to return to.

If you’re not sure what to say, that’s okay too. Many people begin with something as simple as:

“I don’t really know where to start.”

A good counsellor will meet you there.

It’s Okay to Feel Unsure

Doubt doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong decision.

You can feel unsure and still be curious enough to try.

Some people worry they’ll “do it wrong” or not get the most out of counselling. But there isn’t a right way to show up. You don’t have to be articulate, insightful, or emotionally prepared.

You just have to arrive.

Small Ways to Make It Feel More Manageable

If the idea of starting feels overwhelming, it can help to make the process smaller and more concrete.

Start with information, not commitment

You could look at counsellors’ websites, read about how they work, or check what’s available locally or through the NHS. You do not have to book anything yet.

Consider practicalities

Think about what might make it easier for you, online sessions, in-person appointments, time of day, or budget. These details matter more than people often realise.

Set a low expectation

Instead of thinking, “This needs to fix everything,” you might approach it as, “I’ll try one session and see how it feels.”

That’s enough for now.

If You’re Worried About Being Judged

This comes up often, especially if you’re used to managing things on your own or appearing “fine” on the outside.

Counselling isn’t about being evaluated or judged. It’s about understanding.

A counsellor isn’t there to tell you off, label you, or decide whether your struggles are valid. Their role is to help you explore what’s going on and support you in making sense of it.

You’re allowed to bring messy thoughts, half-formed feelings, and things you’ve never said out loud before.

It Doesn’t Have to Be All or Nothing

Starting counselling doesn’t mean committing to something long-term straight away.

Some people come for a few sessions to work through something specific. Others stay longer. Some take breaks and come back later.

You’re allowed to decide what feels right for you as you go.

A Gentle Next Step

If part of you is considering counselling, that part is worth listening to.

You do not have to rush into anything, explain everything perfectly, or be completely certain before reaching out.

I offer gentle counselling in Plymouth and online for women who feel overwhelmed, anxious, emotionally exhausted or stuck in patterns they are tired of carrying alone.

You’re welcome to book a free intro call if you would like to ask questions, get a feel for how I work, and see whether counselling feels right for you.

Book a free intro call

Message me on WhatsApp

The post Thinking About Counselling, But Not Sure Where to Start? first appeared on Rebecca Wilkinson Counselling.

]]> https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/starting-counselling-plymouth/feed/ 0 Why Do I Get Stuck? Understanding Task Paralysis https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/why-do-i-get-stuck/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=why-do-i-get-stuck https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/why-do-i-get-stuck/#respond Tue, 21 Apr 2026 22:59:57 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=3705 Why even simple tasks can feel impossible when your mind is overloaded. Understanding task paralysis, overwhelm, burnout and the hidden weight behind feeling stuck.

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Why Do I Get Stuck? Understanding Task Paralysis & Overwhelm

You know what you need to do. It’s not even that complicated. But you sit there, thinking about starting, and somehow an hour just disappears.

It’s not the same as putting things off

Procrastination is a choice, even if it doesn’t always feel like one. Task paralysis is something different — it’s that strange place where you genuinely want to do something and still can’t make yourself move.

People describe it in different ways: brain fog, freezing up, feeling like you’re wading through something invisible. What they share is this gap between intention and action that doesn’t seem to close, no matter how much you tell yourself to just get on with it.

“It’s not laziness. It’s more like being stuck in place while everything builds up around you.”

Why it happens

There’s rarely a single reason. But a few things tend to sit behind it:

Overwhelm

When a task feels big or shapeless, the brain struggles to find a foothold.

Too many options

If there are lots of ways to approach something, choosing one can feel impossible.

Pressure to get it right

If it has to be done properly, not starting can feel like the safer bet.

Depletion

When you’re already running low, even simple things can feel like too much.

For some people this connects closely with ADHD. For others it flares up when they’re burnt out or carrying a lot. Either way, it’s not a character flaw — it’s usually a signal that something underneath needs attention.

What it actually feels like from the inside

This part doesn’t always get acknowledged. While you’re stuck, you might be:

It’s exhausting. And it doesn’t look from the outside like it feels on the inside, which makes it harder to explain — and easier to dismiss.

Why “just start” doesn’t quite cut it

The advice is everywhere. Break it down. Make it smaller. Five-minute rule.

Sometimes that does help. But when you’re properly stuck, the problem isn’t knowing what to do — it’s the actual shift from not-doing to doing. That gap is real, and it doesn’t always close just because someone tells you it should.

When getting stuck becomes a pattern

For some people, this only happens occasionally. For others, it shows up everywhere — emails, housework, life admin, replying to messages, even things they want to do.

Over time, constantly feeling stuck can start to affect confidence and self-esteem. You might begin questioning yourself, wondering why everyday things seem harder for you than they appear to be for other people.

Sometimes this connects with anxiety, burnout, perfectionism, or the mental load of trying to hold everything together for too long.

If you’re living in a constant state of overwhelm, even small tasks can begin to feel emotionally heavy.

A few things that can help

Not fixes. Not systems. Just small shifts that reduce the friction enough to get some movement:

  • Make the first step stupidly specific. Not “write report” — “open the document.”
  • Lower the bar deliberately. Not “do it well” — “do one small part, badly if needed.”
  • Take the choice away. Pick one way to start and just go with it.
  • Change something about where you are. A different seat, a cleared desk, a different room.
  • Give yourself a short window. Five minutes, not the whole thing.

None of these are guaranteed. But they can create just enough movement to break the spell.

There’s nothing wrong with you

If this happens a lot, it’s easy to start turning it inward — wondering why you can’t just get on with things like everyone else apparently can. That questioning tends to make it worse, not better.

Getting stuck this way usually isn’t about laziness or not caring enough. It’s often about how your brain is managing (or not quite managing) something underneath — pressure, overwhelm, or just the way it’s wired.

If this feels familiar, you don’t have to keep pushing through it alone. Task paralysis and overwhelm are often signs that something underneath needs care and attention, not criticism.

I offer counselling for overwhelm in Plymouth and online, including support for people who feel stuck, emotionally exhausted, or constantly battling their own mind. You’re welcome to book a free intro call if you’d like to talk things through gently and without pressure.

Book a free intro call

The post Why Do I Get Stuck? Understanding Task Paralysis first appeared on Rebecca Wilkinson Counselling.

]]> https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/why-do-i-get-stuck/feed/ 0 Always Stressed? Overwhelm, Anxiety & Burnout https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/always-stressed/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=always-stressed https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/always-stressed/#respond Thu, 16 Apr 2026 23:26:07 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=3637 Feeling constantly stressed can become so normal that you barely notice how overwhelmed you are. Understanding burnout, anxiety and emotional overload.

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Always Stressed? Understanding Overwhelm, Anxiety & Burnout

Stress doesn’t always show up as a crisis. More often, it looks like: 

  • Overthinking everything.
  • Struggling to switch off.
  • Feeling like you’re constantly catching up, even when you’re doing your best to stay on top of things.

 

A lot of people are functioning like this every day. On the surface, it looks like coping. Underneath, it’s exhausting.

If you’ve been feeling always stressed and wondering why self‑care isn’t helping, you’re not imagining it.

When Getting Through the Day Becomes the Goal

Most people I speak to aren’t doing nothing about stress — they’re doing everything.

  • Keeping busy.
  • Pushing through.
  • Trying to stay organised. 

 

And for a while, that holds things together.

But over time, it starts to feel like you’re running on empty. Small things take more effort. Patience wears thin. Rest doesn’t really feel like rest anymore.

That’s usually the point where something needs to shift.

When stress becomes your normal

Sometimes stress builds so gradually that you stop noticing how much pressure you are carrying.

You may still be functioning, working, replying to people, keeping things going and appearing capable on the outside, while internally feeling emotionally overloaded or constantly tense underneath.

Over time, chronic stress can start to affect:

 

For many women, stress becomes less about one specific problem and more about living in a constant state of mental and emotional overload.

That can leave you feeling anxious, exhausted, disconnected from yourself, or like you are always trying to catch up with life.

Why Self-Care Often Falls Short

Self-care is often sold as something extra you add on top of your life.

  • Take a break
  • Have a bath
  • Treat yourself

 

There’s nothing wrong with those things, but they don’t go very far if the pressure you’re under stays the same.

If your baseline is overwhelm and anxiety, a small moment of relief won’t change much.

Real self-care is less about what you add, and more about what needs to change.

What Actually Helps

In practice, this tends to look more like:

  • Recognising when you’re at capacity, before you hit breaking point
  • Letting some things wait, even if that feels uncomfortable
  • Setting limits with your time and energy
  • Not expecting yourself to function at full capacity all the time

 

It’s not about doing less for the sake of it. It’s about being more realistic about what’s sustainable.

Start smaller than you think

When everything feels like too much, big changes aren’t the answer.

Start with something you’ll actually follow through on:

  • Take one proper pause in your day, even if it’s only a few minutes
  • Ease off one expectation you’ve put on yourself
  • Notice when you’re pushing through something you’re already tired of

These aren’t dramatic changes. But they start to reduce the constant pressure that keeps stress going.

There’s Another Way to Approach This

If stress and overwhelm have become your normal, you do not have to keep carrying it all on your own.

I offer counselling for overwhelm, anxiety and burnout in Plymouth and online, with gentle support for women who feel emotionally exhausted, overloaded or stuck in constant pressure and overthinking.

You’re welcome to book a free intro call if you’d like to talk things through without pressure.

Book a free intro call

Message me on WhatsApp

The post Always Stressed? Overwhelm, Anxiety & Burnout first appeared on Rebecca Wilkinson Counselling.

]]> https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/always-stressed/feed/ 0 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/do-i-have-adhd/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=do-i-have-adhd https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/do-i-have-adhd/#respond Wed, 15 Apr 2026 22:46:13 +0000 https://rebeccawilkinsoncounselling.co.uk/?p=3480 What if it isn’t laziness? Exploring ADHD, overwhelm, task paralysis and the emotional weight of constantly feeling behind.

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Could I Have ADHD? Or Am I Just Lazy?

There’s a question a lot of people ask themselves:

“Why can’t I just get on with things like everyone else seems to?”

You might have had that thought quietly sitting in the background for a while.

And then, not long after, something else follows:

Maybe I’m just lazy.

But for a lot of people, it doesn’t feel like laziness at all.

It feels like trying.
And trying again.
And still not getting anywhere.

It’s Not About Not Caring

Laziness suggests a lack of effort or interest.

But a lot of people in this position care deeply.

You might find yourself thinking about what you need to do constantly, feeling that low-level anxiety about unfinished tasks, and getting frustrated with yourself for not just starting.

You promise yourself you’ll do it tomorrow… and then the same thing happens again.

That’s not a lack of care.

If anything, it’s often the opposite.

So What’s Actually Going On?

For some people, this isn’t about motivation at all.

It’s more about how their brain handles things like starting tasks, prioritising, managing time and staying focused.

You might notice that you can do things, just not when you need to. That you seem to work best under pressure, or at least that’s how it looks from the outside.

Once you get going, you’re often fine. It’s the starting that feels disproportionately hard.

And sometimes, even small tasks can feel strangely overwhelming, like they require far more effort than they should.

It’s not just about distraction. It’s the constant mental effort of trying to stay on top of everything, and still feeling like you’re falling short.

Looking capable doesn’t always mean things feel manageable

A lot of people who relate to ADHD traits have spent years trying to compensate quietly.

From the outside, they may seem organised, capable or high-functioning. Underneath, though, everyday life can feel far more effortful than it appears.

You might rely heavily on stress to get things done, overthink everything, constantly worry about falling behind, or feel emotionally exhausted from trying to stay on top of life.

Over time, this can lead to:

Many women reach adulthood without recognising these patterns for what they are because they have become so used to coping quietly.

The Last-Minute Cycle

One of the most common patterns people describe is leaving things until the last minute.

Not because they want to, but because that’s when something finally shifts.

The pressure kicks in.
There’s a sense of urgency.
And suddenly, you can focus.

From the outside, it can look like proof that you could have done it all along, which feeds straight back into that “lazy” label.

But working this way often comes at a cost.

It can mean feeling constantly on edge, relying on stress to get things done, and never quite feeling on top of things.

Why This Matters

When you start to believe you’re lazy, it shapes how you see yourself.

You might find yourself being harder on yourself than you realise, lowering your expectations, or avoiding things altogether because it just feels too frustrating.

And over time, that can really start to affect your confidence.

Could It Be ADHD?

For some people, these patterns are part of ADHD.

For others, they might be linked to anxiety, burnout, overwhelm or something else going on underneath.

This isn’t about diagnosing yourself.

But noticing patterns matters.

If you’ve spent years feeling like you’re “just not trying hard enough”, it can be a relief to start looking at things from a different angle.

What You Can Do Next

You don’t need to have a clear answer straight away.

But you might start by paying attention to how things actually work for you, noticing patterns, noticing what feels harder than it “should”, and being a bit more curious and a bit less critical.

If you’ve been calling yourself lazy for a long time, it can take a while to let that go.

But what if it’s not laziness?

What if it’s something that’s never quite been understood?

A Gentle Next Step

If any of this feels familiar, you do not need to figure it all out alone.

I offer counselling in Plymouth and online for women struggling with overwhelm, anxiety, burnout and ADHD-related patterns like feeling stuck, constantly behind or emotionally exhausted.

You’re welcome to book a free intro call if you’d like to talk things through gently and without pressure.

 
Book a free intro call

Message me on WhatsApp

The post first appeared on Rebecca Wilkinson Counselling.

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